Below is a reenactment of the events that transpired between me and one fly that was apparently spawned in the pits of Hell.
Me: ”I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU, YOU EVIL WRETCHED FLY!”
Fly: “Buzz buzz annoy annoy buzz buzz.”
Me: *swats at fly but misses and nearly tears off fingernail*
Me: “@()*$*(&^! @() N&J@JMF()I@ that hurts!!!”
Fly: *in fly language* “muhahaha annoying this human is the sole existence for which I was made, and I will fulfill it to my fullest potential.”
Me: *flails arms like a rabid baboon in an attempt to scare of the fly”
Fly: “look at him, he thinks he can catch me….hahaha….never”
Me: “I think this thing is taunting me, I mean really, he knows exactly when to move as to avoid being hit by this over sized phone that magically appeared in my hand”
Fly: “oh crap! That was a close one, time for reinforcements”
Fly: *makes fly noise that attracts the attention of all flies in the vicinity*
Me: “oh crap, more of em…time to bring out the big guns!”
Me: *grabs rolled up newspaper and proceeds to swat like a mad man”
Fly: “wow, he’s actually improving, but I will not be defeated!” *goes into superfly mode*
Me: “okay fly, I am going to name you Jaws so when I finally end your life, I can tell my friends that I killed Jaws”
Fly: *grows teeth to match new name*
Me: “ OWWWWWWW DID HE JUST BITE ME!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?”
Fly: “oh yes, I did muhahaahaha” *bites again*
Me: “hmm how can I beat this crafty little creature?” *thinks for a while*
Me: “after much hard work, a few pieces of duct tape, some toilet paper, a pen, an old Bic lighter, and some hairspray I have constructed that which cannot be defeated by Jaws”
Fly: “uh oh, what is he doing? I can’t see!”
Me: *okay boys, playtime is over” *grabs mini flamethrower*
Fly: “RETREATTTTTT”
Me: “VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!”
Fly: “I will return one day having been trained in the ways of flyrate (karate for flies) and on that day! I will be triumphant!”
To be continued….
1 comment:
So you never actually finished it off...you must be so sad.
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