Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Furniture of Life

“Is this really worth the $8.25 an hour?” I thought to myself, as the sun was glaring down on my already sweaty body. You see, I was trying to move a very large reclining sofa (which weighs about 400lbs) through the very small door of a college frat house near the university in my area. As I was pushing, pulling, and actually losing more ground than I was making; I began to think to myself “what am I doing here?” Not what I was doing trying to go against the laws of physics by passing a larger object through a smaller one, but more along the lines of what am I doing here in my life? How is being a furniture deliveryman going to benefit me in the long run? With this simple thought, I remembered what I wanted out of life, and how I was going to get it.

Being at the stage in my life where I am in between school periods (high school and college) I had lost contact with the direction I want to take in my life. As I was standing there (after having given up trying to get the sofa through the door) I saw the particular situation that I was standing in a new light. You could say that the sofa represented my life(Indeed I was the sofa in this particular parable). The doorway was the sum total of all the challenges that I would have to overcome in order to achieve my goal, which in this case was the living room. In order to attain one’s goals, one must work, sweat, cry, and bleed to get there. As the great philosopher Boromir (think LOTR) once said, “ One does not simply walk into Mordor”; we have to fight our way to our goals; it is not a cake walk that we can take lightly. For who is a man that achieves without sacrificing (unless his rich uncle left him his entire inheritance)? Would it be worth it when we arrived at our destination, and held the cup of victory if there was no sacrifice involved in getting there? Of course not!

I myself want more than the world to be a doctor one day. I know how hard the road will be, but I cannot see myself doing anything other then helping people. As I prepare for pre-med school to start at the end of the summer, I am gearing up as much as possible for the hardships in which I will have to endue. We, as a people have to take charge of our lives, and sometimes we have to do the impossible, like getting the sofa into the house. We (I and my co-worker) were eventually able to get that sofa into the living room, but only after we took a step back, analyzed the problem, and found a solution (which was taking the door off its hinges to gain the extra 1” that we needed). Then, only after much more work, we finally made it to our goal. So in other words, get ready to work you pants off* for that which you desire to have, but don’t worry; it will be worth it in the end.

**On a side note, if any of you know of a single, attractive female between the ages of 18-23, please let me know.

Ask TheTimeTaker

Hey guys, i added a new section to my page called Ask TheTimeTaker, in this section i want you to e-mail any questions that you may have to, and i will answer them in a video response similar to the one below. Now please note that i will be bluntly honest with any answers i give. So go ahead and start sending me some mail.

Friday, May 30, 2008

My Disgust

Most people in this universe care about one thing and one thing only. That thing is themselves, and because of the extreme level of selfishness in our society, most people are unhappy with their lives. Being in a position where I have to work with the public every day, I get to see more of what this world is made of then most people, and frankly, it disgusts me. How hard is it to even say thank you to somebody when they do something nice? Apparently it is very difficult, considering that I’ve been working here for six months and can count on one hand how many times I’ve been thanked for the job in which I do. The reason I am speaking on this subject is due to an event that fueled my rage at the pitiful state of being in which the people of this nation live in.

As I was walking into work today, something caught my eye as being different from the day before. As I walked closer to the object that had captured my attention, it became clear what was before me. There in front of my eyes lay the dead body of a kitten not more then two months old. As I was wondering how it had gotten there, it suddenly became apparent. As I looked closer at the concrete surrounding the kitten (which was lying at the base of one of the walls of the building) I realized this was not a natural death, somebody had intentionally ended the life of this defenseless kitten by slinging it, by it’s leg apparently at a high rate of speed enough so to actually tear the leg from the kitten’s body. It is apparent that he slung the kitten into the wall for the purpose of killing it. The reason I know this is true is due to a few specific things that indicate how it had happened. First, the kitten was lying in a pool of its own blood which was in a separate place from the location of its leg, which means that there had to be some serious forces involve. Second, on the wall were stains of blood at the point that the kitten had impacted. Third there was a foot print in the blood that made me think that someone had to have been there to have stepped into the blood while it was still wet.

As the gravity of what happened to that poor creature hit me, it sparked a reaction in me that I hadn’t experienced in quite some time. As I looked in disgust, all I wanted to do was find the perpetrator, and punish him in the same manner in which he had ended the life of kitten. I mean really, what would cause a person to do such a heinous thing to such a little creature that had only begun its life. If somebody is willing the snuff out the life of a baby animal just for the sake of killing, what more are they capable of doing if not restrained? The thinking that we will never suffer the consequences of our actions only leads to the degradation of the human race. If everyone would follow the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) this life would be exponentially better.

Picture ourselves fifty years ago, would the children of the 1950’s even have dared talk to their parents in the manor in which they do now? Of course not, and the reason that this is so, is because parents no longer see the need for discipline. If a child does wrong, should he not be punished so he won’t do it again? Well it is apparent that the parents of today are only concerned with “oh, well it might scar him mentally”, but what they don’t realize is that they are harming the child more than they will ever know by removing discipline from their lives. What are these same children supposed to do when they leave their little “perfect” lives, and enter the real world, where nobody cares about them, and nobody provides for them except themselves? How are they supposed to make it in this life if the only way they know how to live is in rebellion and with no consequences to their actions? In high school, I belonged to a public speaking club that’s sole purpose was to train the youth of the nation to become confident public speakers. Toward the end of the school year, when the club was having its “farewell” meetings, one of the officers didn’t come to one of the biggest meetings of the year. When we (I and my best friend) inquired as to why he wasn’t there, the administrator told us that he had quit. Well, naturally we wanted to know under what pretense he quit, and she said “well, he came to my office and said that he quit because he wasn’t interested anymore, and if something doesn’t interest him, then he will quit”. Well, here is some news for you buddy; good luck being a success at anything in your life. Why? Because there comes a time in everything you do when it will inevitably become uninteresting to you. If you quit when this moment arrives, you have done nothing but sell yourself short and become like the other 90% of teenagers out there, who’s only goal in life is to “have fun”.

If we don’t take a step back as a nation, and evaluate some of the choices we have made as either parents or children, then how can we expect that everything will “work itself out in the wash”? You cannot get something from nothing, if you wish to succeed; you must work diligently to achieve your goal. Someone once said “To have what you have never had, you must do what you have never done”, and if we ever want to achieve something great, we must make ourselves into a great person through our own blood, sweat, and tears. No, it will not be easy, but when is anything worthwhile easy?

As I end my rant about the people that I see everyday, I want ask you all one question that you much search you heart and mind to find the answer, and that question is “if any of you knows a single, attractive female between the ages of 18-23, please e-mail me” :-D

Thursday, May 29, 2008


(What The Heck, Did That Really Just Happen-O-Meter)

I guess at this point in my life seemingly random and useless things are occurring at an interval that is shockingly frequent. Although these thing that seem so random, I believe aren’t so random at all. In fact, I think that I have some kind of voodoo witch curse that has been placed on me for about four years. It seems that everything I say, touch, do all affect my life in a fashion that always seems to be negative. I guess that I am just ranting about all the miss-fortunes that I seem to be incurring at the moment, or perhaps some “other worldly force” is at work here? Well I for one am not going to sit back and let these occurrences pass me by without sharing the fun with the rest of you!..(Yay)..I think that even though these things happen to me, I can always view them in some sort of comical light that will bring pleasure to other people, thus giving me entertainment. Which is exactly what this new little section of my blog is for; telling people about the crap that happens day in, and day out in my life. So sit back, grab a bag of popcorn and just go crazy reading.

I guess I shall start the meter by telling of what happened to me today (admittedly it really isn’t all that bad in retrospect). So as the long day at the furniture store wore on, and the end was in sight, the most horrible thing that can happen to a furniture deliveryman* happened to me. Yes the horrible, horrible event that involved my manager, the phone, and a little ignorance happened (keeps you in suspense). So as I am about to leave; the familiar sound of the phone ringing can be heard throughout the store, I think “meh, it’s time to go so he (the manager) can’t possibly make me work late” well, he can, and he did. The person on the other end of the line was an angry customer who had ordered two chairs a month prior, and they came in with a little scratch, so we had promised her we would replace them. Well, long story short, I had to load up the chairs, get back in the truck, and drive 45 minutes to her house (why couldn’t it have been in town?) and deliver these chairs. So after all of that is finished I arrive back at the store thinking “okay now I can go home because there is absolutely nothing left to do, and its almost time to go home” well, yet again I was proven wrong. Only this time it was much worse than before. So I get called back to the warehouse, and instructed that we have to put together 5 boxes of tables, (mind you that each box houses 3 tables; so you do the math) but wait, there is more! At about the same exact time; the Wendy’s that I had eaten for lunch suddenly comes back with a force equal in size to about 300 angry Spartans attacking my lower intestine. In the end, I wound up putting all the crap together, and FINALLY being able to trudge home where the great white throne awaited the arrival of its king.

As I wrap up this yet again grammatically incorrect post, I want to know if anyone knows a single, attractive, woman between the ages of 18-23.

*the absolute worst thing that can happen to a delivery man of furniture is slicing open his hand with his box cutter, which actually happened to a co-worker of mine. He, not being the brightest bulb in the box decides its okay to cut toward your self. In the process he managed to cut from the fleshy part between the thumb and forefinger most all the way to his wrist, and in doing so cutting all the nerves and such along the way. Well he still works with us, but in the office, after having 2 surgeries. Well, I guess he doesn’t mind considering all of the Aflac that he has received due to this event.

Chemistry At it's Finest

I have discovered over the past few days that it is very, and I mean very difficult to write anything worthwhile when listening to death metal. It just doesn’t work! Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest; I have a few things to talk about. Those things are more important to any man, woman, or child than anything I’ve ever talked about before. That thing is possibly the greatest invention by mankind; it even rivals the Great Wall of China. What is this invention you ask? Well it is of course the six flavors of the drink Mountain Dew. I wish to go into great detail about this wonderful drink that has either blessed or cursed the world with it’s intense full-flavor taste and sparkling effects (if thrown into a fire and left to explode).

Now some people might think that I’m a little bit extreme about this drink, but in my experience Mtn. Dew has severely altered my life’s path for good or bad ( which I don’t know). By having 170+ calories per 12oz can, one can literally live off the stuff (though it may be not for very long). Other fine qualities of the “magic juice” include zero, yes, ZERO grams of total fat. Each can contains about 3% of the recommended daily value of sodium, and a whopping 45g of sugar (sure to make you into the professional sumo wrestler that you’ve always wanted to be). One more plus is that if you are looking to “beef up” this drink is “testosterone in a can/bottle” and is guaranteed to make you feel manly enough to pick up even the heaviest of book bags, dumbbells or possibly your 400lb great aunt Sally that has more underarm hair than you do. The only down side to this drink is that if you, by some unknown reason decide to go squirrel hunting, be prepared to run for you life as the little furry creatures will attack for your weapon of choice with a ferocity rivaled only by that of an angry she bear. Now then, on to the flavors of which there are six of (at the moment, soon to be only 3).

Number one, Mountain Dew original; the familiar green glow that is put out by this particular flavor is synonymous with only one thing, pure, concentrate, awesome. It is very hard to describe the flavor of this drink, I guess you can picture the wealth of an entire country converted into a flavor, then crammed into a 12oz can that tingles when you drink it.

Number two, Mountain Dew Code Red; I don’t know why they named it code red (maybe because of the red alarm you kidneys send out when you drink it) all Mtn. Dew CR (code red) is, is the original flavoring of Mtn. Dew with a huge black of cherry extract. The result of said flavoring is something that is akin to going hang gliding, or parasailing in the rough ocean waves of a tsunami.

Number three, Mountain Dew Baja Blast; as a Taco Bell ( I’m sure I’ll post my experiences at Taco Bell another day, because I have lots of them) exclusive, MDBB is an odd variety of Mtn. Dew and a complete piece of crap. It contains within it the flavor of ocean spray, mixed with the flavor of dead cat, and the aftertaste of bugs in your teeth as if you are racing in the sand aboard your favorite dune buggy.

Recently the Pepsi Company responsible for the creation of Mtn. Dew has released three new flavors, and they are named respectively Mtn. Dew Voltage, Supernova, and Revolution as a part of a new promotion, where the best liked flavor will be an addition to the previous line of Mtn. Dew products. As of right now while I am writing this, I am reviewing these three flavors (and in the process creating the world’s first Leaning Tower of Pisa out of empty cans next to my computer chair). When the results are in for the winner the promotion, I will gladly post my thoughts of the “new Dew”. As for what Mtn. Dew has done for me, it has made me almost pass out on multiple occasions (including a church service). It is also the sole responsibility for my friends and I winning a “mock” court case in which we were the prosecutors in a case which we knew the defendant was innocent, well the outcome of staying up all night drinking Mtn. Dew and plotting how to buy off, blackmail, or otherwise convince the jury of our case was a complete success as we took the case by storm (the defense never saw what hit them).

So as I wrap up my little speech about the “Dew” I can finally turn off Handel’s concerto number 6 in g minor, and turn back on my death metal so I can finally relax and get some actually work done (and by work I mean playing counter-strike until 1am or finally figuring out how to crack my neighbors WPA2 key on his wireless network). As a final farewell, I wish to ask my readers one question, and that question is “do you know any single hot women between the ages of 18-23?” if your answer is yes; then please e-mail me. Thanks a lot for reading.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Blue Collar that Bites

As I start another post for this blog, I seem to be coming up with completely useless topics to talk about, but then again, perhaps that is the goal of this site. I guess right now nothing interesting seems to happen in my life. This is due in partial to it being the transition time in my life, and by transition I mean the time in between high school and college. Seeing as I have graduated from High school and am waiting for college to start at the end of the summer I am forced to occupy my time doing anything I can(but it seems to me that anything only involves work, sleep, and eating).

My job, now that is a subject I could write about in specific detail. I work for a Furniture company and my job entails the transportation of the furniture that customers buy, to the place of residence of said customer. So basically I am a delivery man* of fine furniture. Now we delivery people have a relationship with the sales people that resemble the relationship shared by the vampires and likens in the movie Underworld. We are always fighting and squabbling amongst ourselves in a fashion that resembles people who still need their undergarments to be changed every three hours(weather they be young or old). Now for privacy’s sake, I will not use the real names of the people I work with, but on the occasion I encounter certain situations in which extreme amounts of rage fill me like a helium balloon.

In the store in which I work there resides a certain person on the sales floor, I guess he sort of the “ring leader” of the group, and I swear the man hates me. This man henceforth will be known as Tom (see picture to help your mental image of the man),now Tom is the type of person that cares about only three things, and those things being; #1 money Tom loves the green and is willing to do anything shy of cutting off his own hand for a mere $20. #2 He cares for himself and himself only, he will do nothing out of his way to help anybody, or give the slightest bit of encouragement in a time of need. Finally, last but not least #3 Tom hates me, and I hate Tom, now the only thing Tom cares about more than money is making me miserable. You might ask “how can he really make you that miserable when you have a boss to look out for his employees?” well he can, and he does. Tom seems to have this sort of magical charm over my boss, and he never seems to get in trouble for anything he says or does. As well, Tom’s favorite game seems to be “lets schedule deliveries on TimeTaker’s day off so he has to come in and work” well, you would think that this sort of thing couldn’t possibly happen considering that my boss controls my schedule. Well all I can do at the previous statement is laugh while a little piece of me dies inside.

We (the delivery men) have a special book that we schedule all our deliveries in, and it is labeled with the date and the day of the week. So anyway, this has happened so many times I think I have lost count (no I haven’t is somewhere in the neighborhood of 134,000) well anyway, to signify that we are off for a certin day, my boss will cross out the entire day in the book with a big “X” and the written in huge letters is the word “OFF”. So anyway, Tom comes along and decides to write a delivery over the huge “X” and guess what? I get called in to deliver it. After about the 100,000th time that this happened I finally figured out that “it was'nt an emergency” (the accuse my boss always gave) was not really an emergency at all, only him submitting to the wants of his “star pupil” no matter who it pissed off along the way. So in conclusion, my job sucks so much it could probably suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

P.S. if any of you know any single good looking women between the ages of 18-23 please e-mail me

*Delivery man, lowest of the low, the climax of all that is evil in this world.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Oh Yes, Life is Fun

As I sit here (in my recliner which thinks it's computer chair) trying to come up with what the heck to post as a sort of "get to know me" speech, I am beginning to realize that to sum up myself in one word or phrase that could possibly describe the horrors, drama, and otherwise boring facets of my life would be impossible at best. But dang if I'm not going to waste 30 minutes writing the first post of my new blog in which the only reason I created is so I could either 1: rant about what "grinds my gears" or 2: so I could bestow upon my readers the evils of what it is like to live the life of a rather normal guy in a world that is desperately trying to devour him whole. And by devour I mean suck the entirety of life and individuality out of him under the pretense of "being socially accepted". Well I for one am not going to sit back and be eaten by the antics of yet another politically correct person trying to run my life for me (hmm...maybe I should let them, only it'd be a lot less entertaining). Now I'm not the type of person that doesn't listen to a word of advise or anything like that, but i do like to have a little fun from time to time.

On a completely different note, grammar is something in which I have not been graced with the ability of being able to use. I can go on and on and on about grammar, frankly I think it hates me, and because of this fact I loathe it back, forwards, and even a little sideways. So as far as grammar and me go, we aren't friends and if for some odd reason I say something in this blog that is actually grammatically correct I completely didn't mean it and wish to apologize to the readers for actually writing something that is coherent. Curse the grammar gods, why did they have to afflict me with this plague, and how can i remove it? If somebody has the answer to this question, please send me an e-mail so I can immediately put it in to practice even though, heaven forbid that it actually makes sense to me.

If you aren't already bored of my introduction, then I have failed to waste your time and will have to come up with more creative ways in which to bore my readers as I seem to be able to bore everyone else that I come into contact with (including myself). I guess as this first post comes to an end (because I think my bed just caught on fire), I'll go grab another Mountain Dew from the fridge and perhaps a fire extinguisher and continue down the path otherwise known as my life.

*Side note: If something happens that is even remotely interesting in my walk/run through life, you can "bet your 'tater"* that i will post about it.

*bet your tater = you can bet you life on, because we all know that 'taters are the key to happiness